Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
