never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
