i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
