My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize