I wish my penis had an off switch
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
