We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
