Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
