hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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