i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
