it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
