So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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