Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
