fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
