i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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