I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
