I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
