Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
