I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry about my life...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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