too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
