dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We got so high we made milksteak
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
