we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
