There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
