the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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