Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
