Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize