I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think my mom watched the whole time
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
