sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
