We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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