I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
