I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
