I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
