I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
