i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
did i just pee glitter
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
