I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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