I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
