Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
