So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
