shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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