I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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