I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
