Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize