I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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