yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
