I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
