hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
