the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
