Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
