You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
