Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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