You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
