Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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