He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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