My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize