I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
