Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
