i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
