My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sarcasm needs its own font
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
