I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
