I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
