I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
