What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
