Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we should paint friendship bongs
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