I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
