Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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