so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
