i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
