so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
