Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
