A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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