my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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