I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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