Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
