Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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