The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
