Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
